Miller, Ward: Prisoners of Childhood: The Drama of the Gifted Child and the Search for the True Self. Comment.

 

Prisoners of Childhood is a compelling psychoanalytical exploration of the causes and effects of lost childhood. When Miller refers to the "gifted" child, she means the sensitive, aware and impressionable child who, because of the unconscious projections of the parent on the child, the child, in the process of their early development, splits from their true self, denies their true instinctual feelings, in order to live up to the behavioral structures imposed by the parent. Miller writes:

Yet, what is missing above all is the framework within the child could experience his feelings and his emotions. Instead, he develops something the mother needs, and this certainty saves his life (the mother's and father's love) at the time, but it nevertheless may prevent him, throughout his life, from being himself. (P. 34-5)

The narcissistically cathected child, that is, the child who has internalized the behavior expectations of the parent, at the expense of his own feelings, in most cases, develops intellectually, but remains stunted in the world of emotions. This contributes to the creation of a "false self"; this in turn creates distinct symptomatic behavior in the form of "grandiosity" or depression.

The gifted child will conform or adapt to the unconscious manipulations of the parent in order to avoid losing the parent's love. Miller writes,

Thus, under certain circumstances, a child may learn very early what he is not allowed to feel, lest he run the risk of losing his mother's love. (P.46)

In Miller's clear and accessible prose, she describes many examples of psychoanalytic therapy and its positive effects through the patient's discovery of the parents of his early years during that crucial stage of the analysis, the transference, thereby becoming consciously aware of his parent's "unconscious manipulations", thus, it is hoped, over time, becoming free from them.

This is an important book because it opens the door to a greater understanding in the way we see children, discovering the "manipulations" that have been imposed on us as children, thus avoiding making the same mistake with our own children. In the end, really, it is letting our children express their feelings no matter how these feelings cause us discomfort socially and otherwise - granting children the space to grow and develop, to develop into the people they truly are.

This book is not "clinical" in its approach but is written with a compassionate concern.